If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.


If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.


If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.


If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.


Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!


The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.


Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.


Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.


Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.


If a door is closed, karate chop it open.


If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.


Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.


After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.


If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.


If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.


If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.


If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it and start rolling on the floor.


Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.


A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.


Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.

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Monday, December 04, 2006

wow are you serious

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Friday, October 17, 2003

wOw. DAH ? RAH? MAH? yuck. hate this sheiit.  sorri didnt keep u guys WELL INFORMED but theres just too much shit to deal with. well alright. just changed the sOng. PROPS TO MY  MASTER  P.I.M.P.  BUDDY CHRISTY FOR INTRODUCIN ME TO THIS "TIZITE" JAM  and wanted to INFORM YoU XANGA READURS OUT THUR. new LAYOUT. n` new VERSHUN is guna gO dOwn sum tymee sOon. so WATCH THA F^CK OUTT.   jm. u kno i luhh yuu. !!!......right......

                                                                   lOvez//.--ashy poOh


Monday, August 18, 2003

//.--[ bumpNN ] bestie bOyz  ^ girlz

//.--[ feeliiiNN ] "whOoO HoOOo!"

                 well yae... a few nitez agO [ AUGUST 16 whOoO hOo ! ] i snuckk outta tha heezay...buhh i didnt chOose to blOqq until i qOt the pixX...there arent as manee as i thOt  well...this time it wasnt with jt  and we didnt just get bOba or drive to mcdOnaldz...this time i went wit angelo, cedric, n` jOn....AND VALERIE CAME !!!! whOoO HoOo fun stuffz...blahHhZ..wel nuttn left to do but share my experience riGh?!? well hMm.. rOund 3` in the mOrninz da guyz picked me upp n` i strate out stOle angelOz sexc hat rite awy [ itz brOwn  ] n` i told em` val wanted to go [ whOoo hOo VAL ! ]...sO angelO suprisingly led the way [ cOz u knOe...chinO hillianz` these dayz ] and we finalee qOt thurz and she was waitin outside... blaHh we picked her up and it was all hunkay dOry  we just drOve arOUnd nOwheer fer a while it was seriOusly NOWHERE well they kept swithen off driverz..and finally ced was chOosen to drive or sumtnz...well we decided to gO to chinO hillz just to look at thier hOusez or sumtnz...we stOpped by angelOz with like..all his tricked out  B   M  W `z and he had like i dunO 4? frOm what i hear//saw...watevrz..we left befOre his mOm cOod cOme...well we stOpped by jOnz next...sO he cOod get his dijicaMm...but left like..as sOon as we gOt there...nextz...we [ evry1 in the car ] decided to take pixX so..we tOok a few in the car and thenz tried to find a big fat hill or sumtn pretty like thatz...bUt all we acomplished to discOver waz DIAMOND RACH HIGHSKOOL [ hi eugeney  ] we didn` dO nttnz really.. but like explore the escuela n` climb up alla the stuFFz...angelO waz 1st to climb up the big fat hill thingy...then ced....then me! [ whOoo hOo ! ima afraid of heightz ]....well while the guyz were bein all "scurred" i looked rOund....wOw IT WAS SO NICE...i saw a shooting star too  unfOrtunately... my wish has YET tO cOme true..but unfOrtunately..sOmething like that willnvr be granted, at least nOt for me..well enywhOo..we toOk the pkk ontOp of the big high thingy.and we gOt dOwn...we just tOok a few mOre funnay pixX..of the guyz and alla us..unfOrtunately..becOz of my lack of phOtography skillz...sum of them were messed..but still hilariOuz..specially the one where i was spOrtin our pimped out previaS rimz whOo hOo thOse were SEXAY !! anywhOoz..there was this one pOint..where tha guyz were taking "impOrt mOdel" picturez ontOp of tha car.. HA HA HA their pOses were hilariOuz...and angelO cOodnt get up..so he had to to try like 343892753348134897 timez..ahaah it was so funny...he finally got upp..and yah me n val cheered him all.. i think he dented the car like whOa... sO thenz..sum1 kalls the guyz upp tellin them to meet em sumwherez or sum ish like that...we hesitated to gO for a bit but then eventually met up with thier "hOmebOiz"....n REY was there  whOo hOo!! sO i met..a few pepOz..uhm if i membur their namez rite..it was: marlene,william?,n uhh..i dnO..i giv up...wellz enywhOo..we chilled and it was so...BORING...sO i duno a randOm idea pOpped up n` that was we shud gO to tha beach...aww we shuda just wen erlier..but ide KILL to see the sunset  itz alwaiz been my dream  sO mee n` val toOk tha chance n went..ced drOve obur derr and we cOodnt cath up with the supppper fast car wit rey n` dem in it...blaHhh we gOt a littO lOst..sO we had to ask this old cOuple to tell us weher tha spOt is..sO likez we gOt there..chilled..oHhH it waz beyoootiful!!! it was perdee borinz...until we just started taking pixX...i did NOTHING but put my SOCK TANNED feet in the water and sO did val :-p...well the guyz just started talking abut jumpinn in cOz it was so amazingly blue sO...THEY DID...OoOOh manNnz! angelO..was 1st..whOa...I DIDNT THINK THEY WERE SERIOUS....nex was this uthr guy...n` ced...whOo hOo !!! sexy bOiz!!! nothinz mOre satisfyiN than see`n bOiz in their drawz gettin tackled by wavez...ahahz hilariOuz..we jez toOk pixx and chilled there till` dawn or sO..theni realized it was FREAKING 6 sumtnz..WHOA.. i was in sum deep shit.. we eventually left..and gOt ced`s car all sanded up  [ sorry ] and thenNz angelO drOve hOme..n me n` val bOth got a call on our cellz...UHOH...so we rushed hOme...n we saw these BITCHEZ on the freeway laffin and shit.. blahh i flicked em` off n we exited...i finally got home or at least yardz awy frOm it..and my dad pulled up behind me..n` opened his car door...uhoh...i was screwed... my entire family was outside.. in tha streetz lOokin fer me..ahah funny..well it old my mOm this lame ass excuse like " mOm i needed to take a walk, im so broken hearted" and i told her why..cOz inside i really really really was...BUT THIS DAY MADE ME FEEL EXTREMELY BETTER..THANXX GUYZ  ur tha best...val im sOrry fOr gettn u intruble..but..i was perdee wOrth it

tha pimped outt ride.. !! I tOok this pikk.. look at my skillz

This is tha VERY begninz..lOok these hot papiez wel were jez drvin around..

 Ooh baybe!! lOok at this SEXY IMPORT MODEL !!

rite wen we gO to diamond ranch..ontOp of  a big huge cliffy high thingy.. ahahz look at the guyz.. pwahahz can u see the terror in their eyez? See me.. im just chilaxin

dam..these pOsez tune me on tha MOST

oOh la la me` sexay angelO…hey ladies!! Hes single!!

like what angelO??!?! pwahahz…sexC ced

damm dese mamize got it gOin ON…ooH wait sOrrie guy that’s just me n val this is wen we jez got to tha beach..when it was dark

me n rey rey  aint it kyOot?

were still chilaxiNNz in the mOonlight!!

whOoo hOoO !! FUN STUFF!! [ why am i smiling? that ish was cold ]
 this is vaL jez chillan  shes single tOo fellaz!! 
 

daMm these fOoz are CRAZEE!!! hahah gO ahead ladiez, u knoe u wana print this ;-D
 

dam..sexC bOi!! lOl..havin fun angelO?!

 tha last pikk befOre we left..hOw BEYOOOTIFUL!! wOwzerz..
too bad we werent in tha rite spOt...well thaz it..val.. IT LL MY FAULT IM SORRIE IM GOING TO TAKE THE BLAME FOR LIFE...!!
                                                                                                      
     							lOvez//.--ashy poOh


Thursday, July 24, 2003

//.--[ bumpiNN ]  black eyed peeze ^ where is the love?

//.--feeliNN ] ughh.....so manee thotz

           sigHH the past few days have just been: drama!! i love the sOngwell.. things are better.. i guess... well enyays... THIS IS MY 1ST OFFICIAL BLOGG!! oHH gOOdness are u proud of me?!?! i sure as hell am  [ oHH the excitementt is killing me ]... well i was spose to bloGG on mOnday tO tell yOu bout mah  weekend....but the  drama gOt in the way of both Monday AND Tuesday sO i'll jezz dO it nOw...[ warnin. may be a biTT lOng ]

________EDIT – u don’t understand how LONG  it took me to blogg all this ISH … it gOt deleted like 85785762658 TIMEZ cohz mah comp kept freezing – so I did all this on werd n` pasted…ENJOY

           [ day.fri maHH gmOneez BIRTHDAY he turned a whOle 15 yearz oldd this day  aww im so prOud the bebe bOiz alreadyy grOwin up enywayz…well befOre this day i had tO gO on vactiOn wit maHH ell familia n` met a sweet bOi named miles!! hez so nice...hes perdee hardcOre thO...moHAWK n` evrythinG...enywayz he lives bak derr in mississippi...sO enywayz bakk to maH daH at the mall wid gmOnee...i swear there were 3827456275637856347856 ppplz there..IT WAS SO HARD TO KEEP UP...seyin hi to evrwun n kept ditcHen the gmOnee[ sigHH i knOe - I SED SORRY ] buht aside frumm dat...U DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH FUN IT WAHZ  !! gene was so sweet  i didnt even get him a persunt and he was still sO nice to meeH...lezz start : well 1st off we watched mOvie togethurr...pOtc iit wahzz... it wusnt as scury as i thOt it woOd be [ well prOlly nOt - i was cOverin mah eyez the whOle time ] but still gene wahz really swt prOtectin me frum dah uglee skeletOnn piratez n all  watta nice gmOnee!! sOon enuff the mOvie wahz over n` me n gmOnee left... he saw a few of his friendz n i saw a few of miNe...they wanted meeH to watcH a mOvie widd dem so eHH... i asked the gmOnee 1st he sed he was stayin dere till 11:oo sO he had nO prOblem wid it [ SEE HOW UNBEARABLY SWEET HE IS > he had his friendz enywayz xp  < !?!? ] n` he left... n i stayed in the theater...maia had to kall her ride so we left the mOviez and  they woodnt let maia bakk in >:O!! oHH maii we were so blaHH.. so we decided we were gunna wait but i wanted to gO shOppin sO we stOppd by papaya n i bOught a mOtherlOaad  n` we saw gene n his friends n` i intrduced em n stuff...so we just hung out wid dem while waitin fer the 2 hOur n` 3o minute mOvie they were in...maia went guyspOttn alsO but aside frum dat...GMONEE EVEN LET ME SCREAM  OUT HIS NAME AND THAT IT WAHZ HIS BIfRDAY!!! ugh.. but he kept hidin when i did sO ... hmmm i wOnder why...well jdeez mOm wahz starin at us the whOle time [ she was On the gamewOrx bencH ] ugh.. she prolly thinx ima slut..ugh...who doesnt =\ henywayz...gmOneez friend gary asked for mai maiz numerO n she sed =X...hee heez sOrry gary..oHH mann n` there wahz this fite outside between twO guyz...oHH maNN it wahz so hilariOus watchin the entire world of gamewOrxx rush upp tah the outside of upstairz borderz  ahahahah funny stuff...henywayz i saw lotzaa people there [ ahem ] but the time i spent wit mah gmOnee wahz the BESTESTEST i will never forgett this dayy   i just hope gene got the birthday he DESEREVED...cOme to think of it hes so unappreciated =\\ especially by me..EUGENE IF UR READIN THIS I HOPE UR BIRTHDAY WAHZ WORTH INVITING ME...well enywayz happy [belated] birthday eugene...i also so byrOnyy poOh poOh there hahah didnt talk much =\\ but yaee i saw him...then soOn enuff the day wahz over n` i had to take mai mai hOme so like we left round 10ish sO like yaee for the 1st time i left befOre eugene !! well we drOpped mai mai off n then went to savOn nd i spen like 10 bux wOrth of hairtiez n crapp haha watta lOser i am...I FINALLY GOT HOME at like 11:3o n` i just went online to fixx mah stoOpid xangrr.. soOn nuff` byrOny poOp kalled [ at like 2:ooish ] n we talked for WHO KNOEZ n i SLEPT (-_-zz)

[ day.sat ] oHH maNN todai wahz mah pool pardee!! mah uncle finally gOt his OH SO FANCEE pool dun... n` had a pool pardee...buht before we went.. I begged mah parentalz to take to me to the phmall to to get these  gOrgeouz  pants i  put I on hlod th other day…then after we dOpped of my mOm like the fastest could coHz maH dad waHz alrdy late fer gold n he was so pissed.....i put mah hair in 2 bunnz that day it wahz so nice  n i gOt a lotta complimentzz =]] well i wahz da 1st one there me n mah padre.. buht soOn enuff mah dad left n went gOlfin n mah mOm didnt gO in da 1s place cOhz she went gamblin wit mah auntie =\\ enywhOoz i decided to past the time by watcHin el telee...i was bout to sleep buHH nikki kame n jumped into her swimsuit n into the pool as well.. i as guna swim but the feeelin of byrOnz track jacket wahz oh so toO fabulOuz...i finally dozed off  until i was rudely awoken by saraH mae n kimAY – [ qwOtez " she lOox dead" ] ...i jumped up...nd sed maH helloz to evry1 that gOt there...sigHH evrywun wahz upset mah moder wasnt dere... wish i had the balls 2 defend hur ...well it wasnt that bad.. i just wish maybe i cooda sed SUMTN but " she went ouTT"... wish she wood stOp stessin….i just dunnO what to dO  well i was walkin n loOked out da windOw n` stared at the poOl..oOh lah lah it lOoked soo FABULOUZ!! so kimi was gettn ready to jump in...so i decided aye.. why nOt...i changedd into maHH white beataHH n boarshOrtz n put SOME sunblOck on [ big mistake – aHhHh just SOME!?!!? ] well i wen outside and put mah foot in the pool and it was warm!! Ugh… I was so upset >;[…. But I just decided to stay under the umbrella in the pool soOo I woOdnt get sO tanned yet… until nikki nd kat-lin splashed what started to be SOME water.. but soOn developed into a freakin tidal wave =[ sigh.. I gOt mah twO bunnz wet  [ eww sounds kinda dirtay ] n like meH n mah uther cOusin iggy n I fOund sum water gunzz.. OoOh isss starten to sOund INTERESTING!! N`wat started out as a few squirts turned into this massive waterfight… n like we even hid behind the waterfallz n climbed alla the roXX… mah uther cOusins and titaz n titoz did nuttn but laff haahaha it was so fun.. I EVEN HAD A SECRET LAB [ yah I knOe I was the evil wunn.. n mah secret lab wahz just the juacuzzi  ]!!  well soon nuff iggy found mah secret lab n got past alla the laser rayz n cannonz [ a super soaker n sum  funoodlez ] so he finally killed me =[ but I swore on mah grave maH evil neice kat-lin would forgOw mah evil plan ….after we alljust chilled bah the jacoozi n made our “gang” name I think…NAKS® …[ Nikki`Ashley`Kimi`Sarah`Rachael]…..OoOoH that was fun… soon after the adults gOt int heir bathin suitz n dOve into the pool… hhahaha thatz when we gOt out [ me n mahah pinsanz ]….sO we just watched tv fer a while n` we stumbled on a channel wit mah husband on it =] yupp guys dazz right  CHESTER BENNINGTON !! whOa… it was all his frkkn videOz..drOol =L ….well nikki kept changing it sO I got angry >;p…to get maH mind of maH obsessiOn we went to starbuxx [ yummay cofeee ] i ordered a yummaliciOz white chocolate frapaciOnoo n` while waitin we looked at the geetn carz..EWW theer were these wunz wit deformed kitties n puuppiez =[[ ugh.. I had nightmarez.. well we gOt our stuff… dropped by mcdonaldz to get sum friez n` went to kimmiez so nikki coOd pikk up POTTER !!! n when we got bakk to mah titoz evrywun wahz gettn rdy to leave.... juz then mai mai called n we 3 wayed bbivenz and told her about the drama dillemah she agreed we weer right n` we just kept talking after..sOon nuff I was leaving.. n I found out I had stained mah titaz old azz piano wit chlorine  mah daddy was yellin n screamin the whOle time..when I gOt hOme I just wanted alla the screamin to stop so I went strate to sleep  (-_-zZ)….

[ day.sun ] oh wellz.. nuttn but churchaz n perfecten the xanguHH…didn’t bloGG tho… tOo laze well Sunday wahz borin.. I saw Chelsea at church n` her brother mark [ winx ]  ewwww…

                                                                                            lOvez//.— ashey pOoh


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